I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
