it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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