Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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