He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
