I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
