Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I need moral support for this bender
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
