Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
