I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I supernannyed him into submission
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
