YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
