come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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