Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
