Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
