Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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