I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
