your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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