Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
