I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
