Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
