The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
