Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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