apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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