fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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