great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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