I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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