Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
