omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
