Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
