my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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