"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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