if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
