how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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