So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
