he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pants are for mortals
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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