so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
