well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
