Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
