Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
