uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
