4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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