i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
