I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Randomize
