I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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