the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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