Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The uberlube is also flammable
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
