i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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