i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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