How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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