$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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