She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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