I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
