youre lurking in front of me
barbara walters just said penis...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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