No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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