My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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