Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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