For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
40s are totally the cure
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
