I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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