The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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