I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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