apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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