we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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