you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
