Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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