Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
