You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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