worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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