I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
